I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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