nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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