Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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