ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
