dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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