There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
