Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize