Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's always time for handjobs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
