i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
