I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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