If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
