i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize