That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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