And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
