oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
