Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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