I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
