You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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