I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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