Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Green mimosas i think yes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
