It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
