Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it hurts more in the daytime
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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