Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
