Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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