wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
