I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sext me about skeletons
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
