If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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