I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
