i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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