i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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