That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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