Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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