I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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