I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this will be a night to untag.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
