what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
