Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
