Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
