when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
