I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
