And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
