In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
