It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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