im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
