Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
