Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
