Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
