So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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