I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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