apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
