I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize