I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
