It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
