I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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