Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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