Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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