I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
