I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
