You really coming over, don't trick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
a search helicopter?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
