and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
