I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I color on your dick again?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
