woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
