You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
