I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
