it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
