I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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