Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize