i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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