Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
