Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
