Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
