It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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