I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
