I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
