You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
